Sure, Lucas will come back, and this is still his permanent residence, but this is a big step, more for him I think than for me and Jackie. For us, the bigger step will be when Lucas gets a job and starts paying his own way. Sure, he isn't physically here, but we're just renting an apartment for him really. He's still under our care.
But for him, it's a big change. Lucas has accomplished plenty for someone his age, but Jackie and I (especially Jackie) were always there to back him up, push him, help him succeed. We are still here, of course, but now a lot of responsibility shifts to him. We aren't going to know what assignments he has been given, where he might need a suggestion or some prodding.
I think he's ready. I know we would have been happy to drop him off at the beginning of summer if we could have, as he seemed to get a bit tired of us months ago. I think he has been looking forward to being on his own. I have a few concerns, mainly that he is too much like me, and like I was at that age, and that is not necessarily good. He's smart enough, but he doesn't relate to other people easily. He doesn't like to ask for help, thinks he's smart enough to solve everything on his own. He has an anger inside him that he keeps contained pretty well, but every once in a while it flashes. All those things are like me -- a little different, but no so different.
Fortunately, Lucas has had more success than I ever had. He is more responsible and much better at sticking with a goal and following through, and I think that will be enough difference that he will do well at UW. I'll be surprised if he fails.
So I took him to the dorm, and I tried to give him some last words of advice on the way. He listened politely enough. Mostly, I tried to tell him not to waste his talent, that he was born with a good brain and has had good opportunities up to now and a great start, and now it falls on him to make the most of it all. When we got there, he loaded all of his stuff on a single cart. They asked me to stay with the car, but the car was empty by then, and I knew Lucas didn't need me to help him set up his room, so I took a couple of pictures, shook his hand, wished him luck, and left.
Don't waste it. Don't do what I did. You can do so much better.
phew! Heavy stuff big D!
ReplyDeleteWhen my Dad died, Madeline was present. On our way back home I asked her what she thought about what just happened.
Without hesitation, she said: "Life is short, don't waste it."
I was stunned. She was 11.
We are all Masters and commanders of our soul. (in whatever religious form you choose call it)
Lucas will do fine. He was raised at least as well as you were.
You did a whole lot better than most. Don't put yourself down. We all have regrets. They make us human.
Raul,
DeleteI have done OK, but I have kind of fought myself the whole way. Four stints in school, five years as a machinist before starting in accounting, a really rough start to my accounting career, a rocky finish now as well. I never really accepted or fit into either the academic world or the corporate world. I would prefer to see Lucas have a smoother path, not necessarily a more "successful" one.
The main thing I hope he understands is that the next 2-3 years are crucial. Get through school with an electrical engineering degree and your life may not be a gravy train, but chances are you will do pretty well.
I like your description "fought myself". I suppose we all do that to some extent. Sort of human nature. Even super heroes have issues.
ReplyDelete5 years as a machinist was not a bad thing and you learned stuff too I'm sure.
I was a student for 7 years. What would be a job you you would like to do? (besides sitting and waiting!) I think I'd like to build houses.