Arthur Conan Doyle
Life is a series of events and choices, circumstances and reactions to circumstances. Some of those choices and events are pretty obviously significant at the time, and some just seem so arbitrary in retrospect, like the flip of a coin that had some huge consequences. Like Robert Frost's two roads in a wood, or Jeff Goldblum's chaos theory in Jurassic Park. There were some big things, things I could have changed, but there were some little things, that just happened, that made all the difference.
So You Want to Be a Manager
Back in 2005, I was working along, doing really well as a senior accountant, with a title that said Managerial Accounting Specialist but that meant very senior individual contributor accountant, and thinking that I would continue in that job until I retired, that I would never be a manager of any sort, and that was fine. And then, my boss pulled me aside one day and said that things were changing, and that I should stay put, that there was an opportunity coming in a few months. Well Jackie and I were both really thrilled that suddenly I was going to be in a position I had not even aspired to, and the money was good, and of course I took the job when it came a few months later. But there was that one time, before I accepted the position, that the voice of wisdom spoke to me and asked me why I wanted the pressures that came with being a manager. In this case, the voice of wisdom came from Bill, who had worked about 38 years at Farmers and had avoided becoming a manager by never wanting to be one. It often bothered me that I was too drawn by the money, too stupid to listen to Bill. If I had, I would probably be at Farmers still, doing what I wanted to do, working as an accountant.
What's Good for the Company
This one did not seem consequential at the time, but it's a decision that so much else turned on. Stupidly, I chose what I thought was best for the company rather than for me.
At Farmers, after I had been manager for two and a half years, our department became a "center of excellence," meaning we started doing the accounting for two other companies owned by our parent in addition to still accounting for Farmers Life. When it came to deciding whether I or my friend and colleague John would do the work for Farmers, and which one of us would then do the work for the other two companies, John and I stepped away from the office and had a discussion. He offered to do the other two companies. For reasons related to our respective areas of expertise and where those companies had the most need, I suggested that it might be best if I worked on the sister companies, and that is what we did. But I was stepping out of my comfort zone.
What I found out is that I am perfectly happy taking the lead when I feel like I am the most knowledgeable person in the group, but I am not really comfortable managing just because I have the title. I like to know what I am doing. I remember in my 9th grade English class, Mr. Davis asked the class how many of them thought I was shy; everyone raised a hand, including me. Mr. Davis told them that he had seem me in bridge club, and I was not shy there at all. I acted more like a leader. That's because I knew what I was doing at the bridge table. When I was put in charge of a process that I did not know especially well, I didn't like it. I did a lot better when my expertise was a big factor in my success as a manager. When I had to rely on my organizational skills, people skills, multi-tasking ability, ability to follow-up and keep track of multiple projects -- mostly stuff I am relatively crappy at, frankly -- I felt out of place, because I was forced to rely on my weakest attributes rather than my strongest.
So I pushed my boundaries, did what was best for Farmers. Bad mistake. I have a small comfort zone, and I should have stuck to it. (In my defense, John and I were supposed to switch jobs each year, so I thought it was only temporary; believing corporate management will follow through on their responsibilities to their employees is probably more of a big thing [i.e. a big stupid mistake] than a little thing though.) If I had just let John take the two companies like he offered, I might still be at Farmers. Just a little discussion, a coin that could have flipped either way.
The Excel Test
Well, I can easily see that I could write way too much about little things: the woman at Microsoft who seemed to dislike me for no reason, the Director and Finance VP who said they had budget to hire me, but HR said no. The job I turned down because the money was lousy and I was working then, making more. But I will close with the Excel test. I went to an interview two weeks ago for a job that I could easily handle, temp to perm, that involved a lot of using Excel. Excel is something I can do. So the interview went well, then the guy gave me a quick Excel test, one practical problem. But I had to do it on a laptop with no mouse, using the PC touchpad. I kinda sorta know how to do that, but I only do it when I have no other choice. (To give you some idea, I just had to look up what to call the touchpad. I don't use them.) So I was able to solve the problem fairly easily, but I could not get the formula into the spreadsheet because I couldn't operate the laptop. It was really bad; I kept navigating off the screen, highlighting other applications by going to the bottom of the screen, other bad stuff, really bad. I felt like I looked old and out of touch. The only consolation was that the recruiter couldn't believe he tested people without letting them use a mouse, and she said that all three of the others she sent also "failed" the test in the eyes of the client. I told the recruiter it was like asking someone if they could read a map, then asking them to prove it by driving a car with a stick shift, then deciding they can't read the map because they can't get the car from point A to point B. But I still did not get the job. That was just downright weird.
I need for a few little things to go my way.
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