On Marriage

My friend John pointed me to the work of Erik Erikson, a psychologist who broke development into stages based on our experiences as we age.  My current stage is middle adulthood (rapidly approaching late adulthood), where my concerns would be centered on the value of my contributions.  This seems about right to me -- I think that's what I'm doing in my blog right now.

In my previous post I listed some of the things that make a difference in life.  So now, starting with this post, I will do what I can to evaluate my own efforts.  First item on my list was marriage.

Marriage is a complicated arrangement.  It usually starts with romantic attraction, but then it becomes so much more:  working out the finances, raising kids, running a household, deciding where to live, making it all work.  All the while you have to get along with someone who is part of your life every hour of every day, every year, forever.  Most days it's easy, or better than easy.  Most days it's great to have someone to talk to and share with.  But not every day, and not every part of every day.  Certainly it isn't automatic that any marriage will last, so it is a real accomplishment to stay together and make it work.

My family has been fortunate when it comes to marriages.  My parents were married 45 years.  Two of my siblings have been married more than 25 years each.  No divorces.  I come with an expectation that once you get married, you stay married.

Jackie and I will celebrate our 17th anniversary next month.  It's a lot of time together.  We have had two kids, three pets, and about 7 jobs; homeschooled the boys; lived in six different places in two states.  Through it all we have worked together, doing our own things, but moving forward with a common purpose.  We complement each other in many ways.  I make a good wage and make sure we put away some money for retirement.  Jackie takes care of pretty much everything else.  She is more organized and industrious.  She sets higher standards for all of us than I ever would.  She takes care of the boys, from appointments to activities to homeschooling.  She tries, with little success, to help me be more organized and industrious.

Going forward, Jackie and I have a plan.  The plan is this:  raise the kids, then retire and travel.  We plan to do this together.  I'm pretty pleased that we have stayed together so long and plan to stay together.  I don't think that having a long marriage is a great achievement because you should stick in a marriage no matter what; I think it's an achievement because it's a good sign you are doing something right.